The ANVIL Newsletter

Apr 11, 2017

Why I Would Never Force my Kids to go to Church ~ RUTH MEYER



My parents forced me to eat three times a day growing up.  No joke.  Three times.  Every.  Single.  Day.  And it wasn’t always stuff I liked, either.  Matter of fact, I complained a lot about what my mom made.  “Ewww, gross!  Sauteed zucchini?  Seriously?  Mom, you know we hate this stuff!”  So as I approached adulthood I made an important decision.  Since my parents forced me to eat while I was growing up, I decided I was done with meals.  Oh, here and there I’ll eat out of obligation.  I mean, family traditions like Thanksgiving and Christmas, yeah, I’m there.  But daily eating?  No way.  I’m done.
Set in any other context, excuses people make for not going to church sound completely ridiculous.  But set in the context of Christianity, people say these things in all seriousness while others nod sagely in somber agreement.
My son told me a few weeks into school that he didn’t like the teacher.  He wasn’t getting excited enough about learning, and he didn’t really feel connected to the other kids in his class, so I told him he never had to go back to school again.  Who wants to waste their time going somewhere where they aren’t being fulfilled?
We’ve never forced our daughter to stay off the road when playing.  We don’t want to restrict her imagination.  We allow her the freedom to make her own choices in life.
Okay, Ruth.  Come on.  That one was just ridiculous.  No loving parent would ever say that.  That’s a safety issue- a matter of life and death.  Exactly.  And that’s just my point.
Church isn’t a place you go to get pumped up about life.  It isn’t entertainment like a movie or concert.  It is literally a life and death matter.  Eternal life.  Just as a loving parent wouldn’t allow their child to wander in the road or to quit school, a loving Christian parent also does not give the option to their children about going to church, learning Bible stories at home, and praying together.  Do your kids always jump for joy when they hear you say, “Time to get up!  Let’s get ready for church!”  No.  They won’t.  Do they get excited for school every morning?  Hardly.  But you still make them go.  Why?  Because you are the parent and you know what’s best.  Even when they complain, you serve them healthful meals and limit their junk food intake.  You set boundaries for their own safety when playing outside.  You insist they go to school because you’re looking at the long term picture.  And you are right to do those things.  How much more so are you responsible for doing all you can to secure their eternal well being?
Yes, kids can be brought up in a loving Christian home and still turn away later.  That’s on them.  But you, parents, have a task of the utmost importance.  God has placed these precious children into your homes for such a brief while.  You have them with you for perhaps 1/5 of their lives.  Set a strong foundation while they are under your roof.  Take them to church.  Make sure they understand that they are sinners and that Jesus is their Savior.  They are never too young to learn this.  My one-and-a-half year old sees a cross and excitedly shouts, “Jesus!”  Don’t use the excuse that “they wouldn’t understand this.”  Try them.  I don’t understand it all myself, but I still believe.  And you’d better believe that the Holy Spirit works in their hearts effectively.  My children sometime amaze me with the insights they pick up during devotions or Bible readings.  The strength of their faith often humbles me.  Once when I was having a terrible day, my oldest asked, “Can I pray with you?”  He was nine at the time.  He knows there is power in prayer.  He perceives that sometimes there’s nothing he can say that will make it better, so he’ll just go straight to the One who does have that power.  Do my own kids complain about church?  Yes.  Do they tell me it’s boring?  Sometimes, yes.  They say the same things about school.  But church and school are different environments for a reason.  School is centered around learning and thus has its own schedule and structure.  Church is a hospital for sinners.  That would be all of us, mind you.  You, me, the drug dealer a few streets away- all of us are sinners in need of a Savior.  So what do we do at church?  We confess our sins.  Why do we do this at the start?  To “wipe our feet” before entering God’s house, so to speak.  Then we are assured of forgiveness.  We hear God’s Word.  We sing hymns proclaiming what Christ has done for us.  We hear sermons where our pastors preach Christ.  We don’t go to church to hear what we have to do to gain heaven.  No, Christ did it all.  100%.  We can’t do one thing to merit salvation for ourselves.  That’s why we hear sermons about Jesus and not about us. We take the body and blood of Jesus in Holy Communion for the strength of our souls.  And we depart refreshed to serve God by serving our families, friends, and neighbors in Christian love.
So parents, don’t give in to outside pressures telling you not to force your kids to go to church.  Don’t give in to them, either, when they complain about it.  Because at some point an amazing thing happens- that kid who complains about church grows up and takes his or her own kids to church every Sunday.  Going back to my opening analogy, believe it or not, there came a point in my own life where I realized I actually liked sauteed zucchini (although I never would have admitted that to my mother).  Keep at it, parents.  Just as we need three meals a day for physical strength and nourishment, so do we need regular worship to refresh and strengthen our souls.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go make breakfast.
Posted by theanvilnewsletter at 4/11/2017
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Winter 2018/2019 ~ A Season of Reverence

The Meaning of Christmas!

He seemed relaxed on the comfortable open-area easy-chair that the mall had provided. Most of the Christmas shoppers had begun to leave for the day and the space was free from the tension and anxiety of the day. Perfect for some extra smartphone surfing or so he thought! His significant other was nearby doing some shopping in the not-to-crowded stores which gave him the free time, so he slumped into the comfortable chair. We began our approach. He seemed to be around 30 years old with an expressionless look on his face.

My colleague James and I wanted to ask him if he knew the meaning of Christmas, and perhaps move the conversation from the natural to the supernatural. Before our witnessing plans began, we had prayed that God would open doors for us and give us the right words to say. I'd brought along an icebreaker to start, so simply walked up smiling and in my friendliest voice asked "...hey can you tell me which of these cards is bigger?" I held up each of the 3" inch cards, one blue and one red. They had been cut in a semi-circle and one of the cards optically appeared to be much longer than the other, although in fact they were both the same identical size..

In barely a flash the conversation had begun and he had picked the "larger" card as his choice. The three of us shared a laugh as I then super-imposed them upon each other, clearly demonstrating that they were in fact both the same size...much to his amazement! I quickly continued, "....actually my friend and I are just here tonight in the mall asking people if they know the meaning of Christmas?

His instant and very lengthy reply was that Christmas originated as a Nordic tradition that involved reindeer, magic mushrooms and a host of select things and events I'd never heard of before. His detailed answer to our simply query told us he had actually in his own way put a lot of thought into some aspect of the spiritual world. His body likewise bore witness to our observation as we observed multiple silver skull rings decorating his fingers, while numerous occultist hand and arm tattoos embellished his exposed skin. A goatee seemed to confirm his preference of spiritual worlds as he began to tell us his chest contained a large tattoo of Satan. But he quickly added that during the past four years he had been thinking that the tattoo hadn't been such a good idea, and he was now sorry for that tattoo. He seemed very willing to listen to our version of the christian meaning of Christmas and yet sat solemn-faced as we conversed. He flat out told us that, "...I am a very bad person; and I do a lot of drugs. You'd be surprised who I am, but I'm trying to change my life". He introduced himself as Calvin and we all shook hands.

While he might have done a lot of drugs he was nonetheless still a very articulate young man capable of understanding right from wrong and how he could be better in life. He seemed genuinely glad to be talking about himself to us. His admissions seemed only to confirm that it was no accident we had come across this man who seemed to be searching for meaning to his life. But, he soon added that he just didn't see where Christians came from thinking that Christmas had anything to do with God. At that juncture, I offered the obvious; ....that the first 6 letters of Christmas were C H R I S T. A look of bewilderment overwhelmed his face as if a curtain had been opened exposing bright sunlight. For just an instant, a hint of smile crossed his otherwise deadpan face. This simple fact came as new information to his Nordic theory!

"...Well then what exactly is the Christian-meaning-of-Christmas?", he asked. It was at that point that I mentioned John 3:16, the well-worn verse that succinctly encompasses the meaning of Christmas.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

We went on to explain that we all have sinned, yet only Christ, God's Son offers us forgiveness from our sins if we will believe on Him and repent.

I continued, "It's like a courtroom scene when your facing a $5000. fine and just as the judge says you're guilty, someone steps up and pay the fine on your behalf and you walk away free; You are forgiven! ...that's what Jesus has done for us; He's given us forgiveness!"

Calvin suddenly looked surprised. "It's funny that you just mentioned the possibility of a $5000 fine, because that's what I was given; I was given a $5,280 fine a few years ago and I'm still struggling to pay it off!"

James and I continued explaining the gospel to him as we conversed for about twenty minutes. Again this was all new information to him and he seemed to be soaking up every word. There were frequent "off-the-wall" diversions while speaking to Calvin. He ventured into a number of crazy rabbit-trails, but we did our best to keep the conversation gently steering back to the gospel story. Noticing an authentic interest in the bible, James suggested that he should perhaps start discovering who Christ was by reading the gospel of John and he indicated he would like that. When James offered to provide him a bible, he said he'd get his own. Sensing it was time to wrap up the conversation, we asked if we could quietly pray for him in his search for spiritual things and Calvin couldn't have been more agreeable. My eyes watered slightly as I led in prayer asking for God's Spirit to draw Calvin toward himself as a seeker and reveal to Calvin who Christ was. Mission accomplished; Calvin was one step closer to understanding the meaning of Christmas!

"JESUS Bridges the Gap"

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Route 66 Bible Books Study

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In Deuteronomy, He is the Prophet

In Joshua, He is the Captain of our Salvation

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In Romans, He is our Justifier

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King

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The NAME OF JESUS

OUR GREAT SALVATION:

FAITH

PROPITIATION

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Tough Love For Singles


Tips for Loving Tough

By Dr. James Dobson

Tough Love For Singles

Let me get very specific with those of you who are single but wish not to be. (No insult is intended to those who are single by design and wish to remain unmarried. That is a legitimate choice which should be respected by friends and family alike.) I have listed 16 suggestions that will help you conform to the principles of loving toughness in matters of the heart.

  1. Don’t let the relationship move too fast in its infancy. The phrase “too hot not to cool down” has validity. Take it one step at a time.
  2. Don’t discuss your personal inadequacies and flaws in great detail when the relationship is new. No matter how warm and accepting your friend may be, any great revelation of low self-esteem or embarrassing weaknesses can be fatal when interpersonal “valleys” occur. And they will occur.
  3. Remember that respect precedes love. Build it stone upon stone.
  4. Don’t call too often on the phone or give the other person an opportunity to get tired of you.
  5. Don’t be too quick to reveal your desire to get married—or that you think you’ve just found Mr. Wonderful or Miss Marvelous. If your partner has not arrived at the same conclusion, you’ll throw him or her into panic.
  6. Most important: Relationships are constantly being “tested” by cautious lovers who like to nibble at the bait before swallowing the hook. This testing procedure takes many forms, but it usually involves pulling backward from the other person to see what will happen. Perhaps a foolish fight is initiated. Maybe two weeks will pass without a phone call. Or sometimes flirtation occurs with a rival. In each instance, the question being asked is, “How important am I to you and what would you do if you lost me?” An even more basic issue lies below that one. It wants to know, “How free am I to leave if I want to?” It is incredibly important in these instances to appear poised, secure and equally independent. Do not grasp the other person and beg for mercy. Some people remain single throughout life because they cannot resist the temptation to grovel when the test occurs.
  7. Extending the same concept, keep in mind that virtually every dating relationship that continues for a year or more and seems to be moving toward marriage will be given the ultimate test. A breakup will occur, motivated by one of the partners. The rejected individual should know that their future together depends on the skill with which he/she handles that crisis. If the hurting individual can remain calm, the next two steps may be reconciliation and marriage. If not, then no amount of pleading will change anything.
  8. Do not expect anyone to meet all your emotional needs. Maintain interest and activities outside the romantic relationship, even after marriage.
  9. Guard against selfishness in the relationship. Neither the man nor the woman should do all the giving. I once broke up with a girl because she let me take her to nice places, bring her flowers, buy her lunch, etc. I wanted to do these things, but expected her to reciprocate in some way. She didn’t.
  10. Beware of blindness to obvious warning signs that tell you that your potential husband or wife is basically disloyal, hateful, spiritually uncommitted, hooked on drugs or alcohol, given to selfishness, etc. Believe me, a bad marriage is far worse than the most lonely instance of singleness.
  11. Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without.
  12. Be careful to defend the “line of respect” even during a dating relationship. A man should open doors for a woman on a formal evening; a woman should speak respectfully of her escort when in public, etc. If you don’t preserve this delicate line when the foundations of marriage are being laid, it will be virtually impossible to construct them later.
  13. Do not equate human worth with flawless beauty or handsomeness! If you require physical perfection in your mate, he or she may make the same demands of you. Don’t let love escape you because of the false values of your culture. In the same vein, be careful not to compare yourself with others—which is the root of all inferiority.
  14. If genuine love has escaped you thus far, don’t begin believing “no one would ever want me.” That is a deadly trap that can destroy you emotionally! Millions of people are looking for someone to love. The problem is finding one another!
  15. Regardless of how brilliant the dating relationship has been, take time to “check your assumptions” with your partner before committing yourself to marriage. It is surprising how often men and women plunge into matrimony without ever becoming aware of major differences in expectation between them.

  16. For example:

    • Do you want to have children? How soon? How many?
    • Where will you live?
    • Will the wife work? How soon? How about after children are born?
    • Who will lead in the relationship? What does that really mean?
    • How will you relate to your in-laws?
    • How will money be spent?
    • Where will you attend church?

    These and dozens of other “assumptions” should be discussed item-by-item, perhaps with the help of a premarital counselor. Many future struggles can be avoided by coming to terms with potential areas of disagreement. If the differences are great enough, it is even possible that the marriage should never occur.

  17. Finally, sexual familiarity can be deadly to a relationship. In addition to the many moral, spiritual and physical reasons for remaining virgins until marriage, there are numerous psychological and interpersonal advantages to the exercise of self-control and discipline. Though it’s an old-fashioned notion, perhaps, it is still true that men do not respect “easy” women and often become bored with those who have held nothing in reserve. Likewise, women often disrespect men who have only one thing on their minds. Both sexes need to remember how to use a very ancient word. It’s pronounced “No!”
This material is excerpted from Dr. Dobson’s book Love Must Be Tough (copyright © 1983, 1996 by James Dobson, Inc.), published by Tyndale House Publishers, and is used by permission.

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