So, your son or daughter recently looked at pornography and you found out. What do you do now?
That’s what porn does. It destroys lives a little over a long time and then all at once.
Well, your action plan could affect the course of his or her
life—for a long, long time. It’s no small thing. Porn and
porn addiction has ruined countless lives. What begins as a stolen glance, if
unchecked, can swell into an avalanche of sin that crushes lives, families,
churches and communities.
That’s what porn does. It destroys lives a little over a long time
and then all at once.
This isn’t meant to scare you, but to remind you that the
situation is serious. As a parent and a leader, you need to have an action plan
to both prevent, discuss and confront the dangers of porn with your kids.
Here are seven things to consider if (or, more likely, when)
that conversation happens.
1. Talk about it right then.
Don’t just pass it off, ignore it, or worse, act like it’s a macho
thing to do and inadvertently encourage it. Sit down, right then, and talk
about it together. Don’t overreact, don’t go crazy, just have a conversation
about how it happened and what he or she saw. Ask for the details.
2. Discuss the why.
Instead of reacting with outrage or disappointment dig a little
deeper and ask the why questions. Why did they confess? Why didn’t they? Why
did they view porn?
You could find out it was accidental or you may dig up some deeper issues about
what’s really going on with your son or daughter. Then, discuss their
motivation for viewing pornography—including the steps leading up to it and how
they felt when they saw it and how they feel now.
3. Hit the Gospel.
It’s important to bring up the Gospel and talk about it early in
the conversation. How? Explain to them that their sins are
covered in Christ—that God looks at them and sees Jesus and his work on the
cross and his resurrection. God still cares, listens and loves them deeply no
matter what they’ve done, but the right response to sin is always repentance.
You can also talk about the fact that as sons and daughters of the King we’re
called to turn from anything that might hurt our relationship with Jesus. This
is real life stuff. Also, one caution, don’t Bible-shame. You’re
disappointed, I get it, but this is not a time to throw out Bible verses to
make your son or daughter feel worse. Point to the positive aspects of
forgiveness, grace and the Holy Spirit’s power to move us in a God-ward
direction.
4. Talk about safeguards.
Find the entry points in their lives where porn might creep in:
smart phone, tablet, T.V., laptop, etc. Discuss a clear action plan to help
safeguard their hearts and their eyes. You might consider downloading a
filtering app like Mobicip or Covenant Eyes. These apps block (for the
most part) porn-related content and they give you the ability to monitor the
activity on their devices. Discuss appropriate times to use devices. If your
son or daughter goes to bed with their phone or laptop that could be a
dangerous thing. Talk about it and set some smart boundaries. One note: just
because you add some software doesn’t mean the issue is over. Which leads me to
the next point.
5. Follow up.
One conversation and a filtering app isn’t the end. Not even
close. Make sure and talk about what your son or
daughter sees—both online and off—often. Check into their
history, discuss their online habits and create an open dialogue about the
dangers of porn. Do what you can to create a safe environment for you kids to
discuss, confess and ask questions. Don’t shut it down after one
conversation—that could do more damage than good by making them feel alone,
ashamed and disconnected.
6. Don’t make it weird.
OK, talking about porn with your son or daughter is weird in
itself, right? But you don’t have to make it any weirder than it already is.
Talk about the specifics openly and confidently. The more clear, open and
constructive you are the better.
7. Pray.
I mention this last, but it’s really something you should start
doing before the conversation ever begins. Pray on your own for guidance, pray
together and pray consistently. Don’t underestimate the power of prayer to
protect your kids from the dangers of porn. It’s our best weapon. Use it.
These tips deal with the immediate conversation, but there are
also many things you can do to prepare and protect your kids from the dangers
of porn before it strikes. Here are a few valuable resources.
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