Understanding Today's Youth ~ Paul Robertson, Youth Specialist

Related: Understanding "TEENS & SEX" ~ Paul Robertson

Ed's Note:  I recently (May 2016) attended one of sixteen parenting seminars (by that I mean that there are 16 in the series) taught by Paul Robertson, a christian Evangelical and Youth Worker.


One of Paul's seminars describes teens this way: 

"Everyone knows teenagers are perplexing, fascinating, and energetic creatures. What confounds most adults is what is going on in their brains. There is no doubt how a teen thinks and acts is still a work in progress.  They may look like adults but their brains are still very much adolescent."

The session I attended was titled, "Understanding Their World, Hearing Their Cries".   Paul is from the Toronto area and travels around North America helping parent's understand the Youth of Today.  Paul bills himself as a Youth Culture Specialist  and he's been doing this work for over 40 years, 33 years of which were spent with Youth Unlimited.
See Paul's bio.

His website introduces his passion for helping understand youth:

"If you're over 25, you can't understand what it means to be a teenager today...  You can't understand it because they can't either.  No boundaries. No families. No innocence. No truth.  No time to be a kid."  ~Paul Robertson  ~ from http://paulrobertson.ca/main.html

Paul is constantly in-touch with researchers who assist him in updating his material so that it remains relavant and thus allows us accurate information.

I want to share my seminar notes with you, as much of it came as new information to me and is a gateway to a world that I know little of, or should I say not as much as I'd like to know. As I enter my 60th year, so much of today's world is so different to that of mine so many years ago when I began school in 1962.  If you are experiencing difficulty in relating to your teen, a visit to one of Paul's seminars may be quite valuable to you. Learning strategic interactions with your teens is necessary to assist them getting back on track after a train wreck or better yet learning preventable strategies that will help both of you before the train leaves the track.

At the seminar, Paul asked each of us to sign-up for a free newsletter at:  http://www.cpyu.org/
This is an organization that Paul recommends and works with.

This is the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding , PO Box 414 , Elizabethtown, PA 17022
CPYU is all about "Helping Parents, Youth Workers, Educators, Pastors and others understand and reach today's youth culture"

~ regards, St Mark
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Understanding Their World, Hearing Their Cries 
(Notes from: Paul Robertson)

• Surprisingly perhaps, yet to bring his starting points to the forefront in the least amount of time, Paul started out his presentation with an example of how today's youth are being manipulated and bombarded by the media.  He showed us an ad that appeared in the popular youth culture "Seventeen" magazine and then we discussed the techniques & message that this (representative) company,"Amethyst Jeans" was using in marketing their product and the message they were sending to teens. 

  


The Power of a Picture:

Media/Ads/Marketing

• While I couldn't find the exact Amethyst Jeans ad online that we actually used in our discussion, the above ads I did find are virtually similar in context & purpose. Carefully look at this picture for a moment and see if you can spot the "lies".   This company is selling products (so they think) that will make you the life of the party, give you the perfect butt, and you will be happy, instantly attractive, successful and desired by all; especially to those of the opposite sex.  Happiness is just a purchase away.  These ads recognize disappointment in who you think you look like and seek to sell you "salvation" by showing you how you can look....if you buy their product. The messages are subtle and seek to identify with youth, thereby drawing them in. Notice the subtle "hand-placement" of the youth's hands in the background people.  The ads are bombarding our kids and convincing them to fork over $80 (plus) to revelutionize your life???  
• Happiness is just a purchase away!  (hmmm really?)
• Ads can lead our youth along
• Ads sell "disappointment" with who you are.
• narciscism = "It's All About You"

• When we start seeing through our eyes devoid of a conscience or moral absolute, we reconstruct and reconfigure reality to fit our own desire.  This is a dangerous phenomenon in our time.   ~ Ravi Zacharias, Christian Apologist

Hearing Their Cries

1. The Cry of the Changing Family

• Divorce: in the 1970's, divorce really started to take-off.  Children NEVER recover from DIVORCE!
• ANGER is carried into Adulthood.
• Almost 45% of new marriages fail, BUT that is not the only problem, because WAY LESS people actually get married today (by choosing to co-habitat/shack-up); so when you say 45% of new marriages fail it masks the huge relationship problems we are discussing.
• so lets discuss it another way; 80% of homes are headed up by Single Moms!!! 
• (FATHER/DAD is MISSING!!!)

Really the "Cry of the Changing Family" is the Cry for RELATIONSHIPS!

Our Response:

1. Give them BOUNDARIES.  Paul Robertson told the story of Goldy.  Goldy was a goldfish that he purchased at the local pet store for an object lesson.  Paul brought Goldy to a high-school assembly of hundreds of kids, placed a white table-cloth on a small table, then put Goldy and his fish-bowl on that table.  He announced to the assemby of teens, that he was going to "set Goldy free"....he would be free of man-made fences, free of his silly bowl, free of all rules & finally free of the things in his world that have been restraining him from who he felt he really was.  With that announcement, Paul then reached into the goldfish bowl, grabbed Goldy and tossed him flopping onto the white tablecloth.  The girls gasped in horror; the boys howled in laughter while Goldy flopped around helplessly. Paul just stood there with a blank expression, plainly showing in his object lesson the value of boundaries.  (He claims finally enough was enough and actually tossed Goldy safely back into the bowl when he felt he'd pressed his point with the teen crowd).  Lesson learned: Give your teens BOUNDARIES that they need.
2. Give them (Youth) your UNCONDITIONAL LOVE (We're still there for them when they "blow-it").
3. Give them Your TIME.  (Put your phone away - Open up your schedule; Remember no tombstones say "wish I'd spend more time at the Office!").
4. Give them your ATTENTION.  (Be emotionally connected; -i.e. get involved/connect in their hobbies & interests/sports! ; Spend time with them/Eat together often!) Studies show that kids who have 5 meals/per week with family do much better in life!
5. Give them CONSISTENT DISCIPLINE. (Not Punishment!  Why not Punishment?  ...Because DISCIPLINE BUILDS CHARACTER!!!)
6. Give them TWO LISTENING EARS.
7. Give them your WILLINGNESS TO ADMIT YOUR FAULTS
8. Give them a SPIRITUAL HERITAGE!

2.  The Cry of Media Influence

“The top 4 Most Influential Social Institutions Influencing Youth by Decades”

1960’s	1980’s	2000 to present
Family School Friends Church	Friends Family Media School	*Media Friends Family School

·         So lets go back to our opening points.  Those ads that your teen is being hit with in a big way in the various media have had a huge influence on him/her!   The lifestyle that is portrayed in the  ads equally influence our teens.

·         Note:  So perhaps you think, “ Yes, but my teens go to church and this is an enormous difference compared to other teens, right?”; While “church” is indeed important, Be careful with how much weight you put into that thought,  In this basic study, you will see that “Church” drops out as “not-significant” from this list in the 1980’s.

Really the "Cry of Media Influence is really the cry For Understanding and Direction!  So...

Our Response:

1. Everything you hear and see has to be EVALUATED!
2. AVOID EXTREMES
3. Examine yourself - Pray & be an EXAMPLE
4. Become a CULTURAL COMMANDO ~ Understand & Take charge of the Culture and how it affects your family!
5. Be Proactive with your kids! Watch & Listen together ~ Play "Find the Lie".  Teach them how they are being manipulated in their thinking (Show & discuss the lies in the ads we talked about earlier in these notes)
6. Develop Media Guidelines ~ LEARN TO SAY "NO" To your kids.
7. Have Patience!  ~ this is a process ~ You will win some battles; You will lose some battles ~ Your job is to win the war.

3. The Cry of Postmodern Moral Relativism

• Today's teen culture believes now that there are no rules & no boundaries...including physically!
• Paul Robertson quote:  "Today's so-called First-Base is deep kissing, (now known as tonsil-hockey) plus groping and fondling "this & that!, if you know what I mean"; Second-Base is oral sex; Third base is going all the way; Home-Plate is learning each other's names" 
• Tom Wolfe's book "Hooking-Up" is recommended reading to learn more about teen culture in this regard.
• Narciscism = "It's All About You"
• Before 1960, there were zero teen suicides in Canada.
• In the 1960's ...Photo's were Black & White; TV was Black and White; Morality was Black and White!
• #1 issue today is "Anxiety & Stress" in our schools.
• When the earth and all its people quake, it is I who hold its pillars firm. ~ Psalms 75:3

Our Response:

1. Live an authentic Christian life IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILDREN - It begins with YOU!
2. Use ALL OF LIFE TO TEACH TRUTH to your kids. (Deuteronomy 6 ~  These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.)
3. Talk to them ABOUT SEXUALITY AND MORALITY; Studies show that only a third of christian parents talk about sex.
4. Help them to SEE PAST THEIR FEELINGS.
5. For their Career & Future, Encourage them to HAVE A DREAM BASED ON THEIR GIFTING. In their career path, Encourage them to do what they are passionate about and good at.
6. BE THE GATEKEEPERS OF THEIR HEARTS and MINDS when it comes to MEDIA.
7. Go To cpyu.org & sign up for the Newsletter (Bottom of page).