Mar 14, 2017

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The Babylon Bee: Holy Spirit Unable to Move When Church Fog Machine Breaks

Holy Spirit Unable To Move Through Congregation As Fog Machine Breaks

March 2, 2016

NASHVILLE, TN—Describing the experience as “tragic,” local worship leader Axl Johnson found his congregation totally unable to worship as the church’s primary fog machine malfunctioned right in the middle of the Sunday morning set. “We barely got through our new song. It was a real train wreck,” a visibly shaken Johnson told us while sipping a latte macchiato in the church cafe after service.

Just as the song, an original mashup between Hoobastank’s The Reason and Gungor’s Beautiful Things, reached its climax, a loud pop emanated from the 1600-watt machine positioned just in front of the Plexiglas pulpit. The device sputtered to a halt and ceased pumping out 30,000 cubic feet of water-based fog per minute into the venue. Onlookers said it totally and instantly killed their personal worship experience.

“It was horrific,” one parishioner recalled. “One moment I was caught up in the Spirit, worshiping the living God of all creation before His throne, and the next I was brought plummeting back down to earth. The mood was ruined.”

The church has ordered a full inspection of the remaining five fog machines as well as the laser light controllers as a preventative measure. “We’re not losing the Holy Spirit again, not on my watch anyway,” Johnson declared. “We’re a strong group on a life journey together. We’ll pick ourselves up and grow from this tragedy.”

At press time, the church is discussing a possible name change from “Legacy” to “The Gathering” to help the flock move on.

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Winter 2018/2019 ~ A Season of Reverence

The Meaning of Christmas!

He seemed relaxed on the comfortable open-area easy-chair that the mall had provided. Most of the Christmas shoppers had begun to leave for the day and the space was free from the tension and anxiety of the day. Perfect for some extra smartphone surfing or so he thought! His significant other was nearby doing some shopping in the not-to-crowded stores which gave him the free time, so he slumped into the comfortable chair. We began our approach. He seemed to be around 30 years old with an expressionless look on his face.

My colleague James and I wanted to ask him if he knew the meaning of Christmas, and perhaps move the conversation from the natural to the supernatural. Before our witnessing plans began, we had prayed that God would open doors for us and give us the right words to say. I'd brought along an icebreaker to start, so simply walked up smiling and in my friendliest voice asked "...hey can you tell me which of these cards is bigger?" I held up each of the 3" inch cards, one blue and one red. They had been cut in a semi-circle and one of the cards optically appeared to be much longer than the other, although in fact they were both the same identical size..

In barely a flash the conversation had begun and he had picked the "larger" card as his choice. The three of us shared a laugh as I then super-imposed them upon each other, clearly demonstrating that they were in fact both the same size...much to his amazement! I quickly continued, "....actually my friend and I are just here tonight in the mall asking people if they know the meaning of Christmas?

His instant and very lengthy reply was that Christmas originated as a Nordic tradition that involved reindeer, magic mushrooms and a host of select things and events I'd never heard of before. His detailed answer to our simply query told us he had actually in his own way put a lot of thought into some aspect of the spiritual world. His body likewise bore witness to our observation as we observed multiple silver skull rings decorating his fingers, while numerous occultist hand and arm tattoos embellished his exposed skin. A goatee seemed to confirm his preference of spiritual worlds as he began to tell us his chest contained a large tattoo of Satan. But he quickly added that during the past four years he had been thinking that the tattoo hadn't been such a good idea, and he was now sorry for that tattoo. He seemed very willing to listen to our version of the christian meaning of Christmas and yet sat solemn-faced as we conversed. He flat out told us that, "...I am a very bad person; and I do a lot of drugs. You'd be surprised who I am, but I'm trying to change my life". He introduced himself as Calvin and we all shook hands.

While he might have done a lot of drugs he was nonetheless still a very articulate young man capable of understanding right from wrong and how he could be better in life. He seemed genuinely glad to be talking about himself to us. His admissions seemed only to confirm that it was no accident we had come across this man who seemed to be searching for meaning to his life. But, he soon added that he just didn't see where Christians came from thinking that Christmas had anything to do with God. At that juncture, I offered the obvious; ....that the first 6 letters of Christmas were C H R I S T. A look of bewilderment overwhelmed his face as if a curtain had been opened exposing bright sunlight. For just an instant, a hint of smile crossed his otherwise deadpan face. This simple fact came as new information to his Nordic theory!

"...Well then what exactly is the Christian-meaning-of-Christmas?", he asked. It was at that point that I mentioned John 3:16, the well-worn verse that succinctly encompasses the meaning of Christmas.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

We went on to explain that we all have sinned, yet only Christ, God's Son offers us forgiveness from our sins if we will believe on Him and repent.

I continued, "It's like a courtroom scene when your facing a $5000. fine and just as the judge says you're guilty, someone steps up and pay the fine on your behalf and you walk away free; You are forgiven! ...that's what Jesus has done for us; He's given us forgiveness!"

Calvin suddenly looked surprised. "It's funny that you just mentioned the possibility of a $5000 fine, because that's what I was given; I was given a $5,280 fine a few years ago and I'm still struggling to pay it off!"

James and I continued explaining the gospel to him as we conversed for about twenty minutes. Again this was all new information to him and he seemed to be soaking up every word. There were frequent "off-the-wall" diversions while speaking to Calvin. He ventured into a number of crazy rabbit-trails, but we did our best to keep the conversation gently steering back to the gospel story. Noticing an authentic interest in the bible, James suggested that he should perhaps start discovering who Christ was by reading the gospel of John and he indicated he would like that. When James offered to provide him a bible, he said he'd get his own. Sensing it was time to wrap up the conversation, we asked if we could quietly pray for him in his search for spiritual things and Calvin couldn't have been more agreeable. My eyes watered slightly as I led in prayer asking for God's Spirit to draw Calvin toward himself as a seeker and reveal to Calvin who Christ was. Mission accomplished; Calvin was one step closer to understanding the meaning of Christmas!

Route 66 Bible Books Study

In Genesis, He is the Creator

In Exodus, He is the Lamb

In Leviticus, He is our High Priest

In Numbers, He is the Deliverer

In Deuteronomy, He is the Prophet

In Joshua, He is the Captain of our Salvation

In Judges, He is our Lawgiver

In Ruth, He is our Kinsman

In 1 & 2 Samuel, He is our trusted Prophet

In 1 & 2 Kings, He is our Reigning King

In 1 & 2 Chronicles, he is our Ruling King

In Ezra, He is our Faithful Scribe

In Nehemiah, He is the Rebuilder

In Esther, He is our Leader

In Job, He is our Ever-Living Redeemer

In Psalms, He is our Grand Shepherd

In Proverbs, He is our Understanding

In Ecclesiastes, He is our Wisdom

In the Song of Solomon, He is our Bridegroom

In Isaiah, He is the Prince of Peace

In Jeremiah, He is the Righteous Branch

In Lamentations, He is our Weeping Prophet

In EZEKIEL - He is the Pastor

In Daniel, He is the Fourth Man

In HOSEA - He is the Faithful Husband

In Joel, He is the Baptizer

In Amos, He is our Burden-Bearer

In Obadiah, He is the Mighty to Save

In Jonah, He is our Missionary

In Micah, He is the Messenger

In Nahum, He is the Avenger

In Habakkuk, He is God's Evangelist

In Zephaniah, He is our Saviour

In Haggai, He is the Restorer

In Zechariah, He is the Fountain of Life

In Malachi, He is the Sun of Righteousness

In Matthew, He is our Messiah

In Mark, He is our Miracle

In Luke, He is the Son of Man

In John, He is the Son of God

In Acts, He is the Holy Spirit,

In Romans, He is our Justifier

In 1 & 2 Corinthians, He is the Mystery

In Galatians, He is our Freedom

In EPHESIANS - He is our Riches

Ephesians Worksheet

In PHILIPPIANS ~ He is our Joy

In COLOSSIANS - He is the Fullness of the Godhead

In 1&2 THESSALONIANS - He is Our Soon Coming

King

In 1&2 TIMOTHY - He is our Mediator

In TITUS - He is our Faithful Pastor

In PHILEMON - He is our Friend

In HEBREWS - He is our High Priest

In JAMES - He is our Great Physician

In 1 & 2 PETER - He is our Chief Shepherd

In 1,2 & 3 JOHN, He is the Good Shepherd

In JUDE, He is the Great Shepherd

In REVELATION - He is the King of kings

The NAMES of GOD

The NAME OF JESUS

OUR GREAT SALVATION:

FAITH

PROPITIATION

JUSTIFICATION

SANCTIFICATION

Videos

_________________________________________ Jesus is the Sweetest Name I Know _________________________________________ Is That Wedding Music That I Hear? ...Songs of Expectation! _________________________________________ E.Dewey-Smith -When I visited Dewey's Decatur (Atlanta), GA Baptist church in Spring 2014, he gave me a first class taste of southern hospitality. He had me stand in front of his congregation of 5,000 and gave me a short interview and a very friendly welcome. The church sisters gave me lots of hugs too. I couldn't have been made more welcome! He asked if they could sing my favourite GTR song, ...that was easy to decide. I quickly picked "At the Cross". He is highly relational, an awesome leader and speaker. By the way...do you make people welcome when they come to your church? _________________________________________ Heritage Singers _________________________________________ Gilbert Earl Patterson, COGIC Pastor

Tough Love For Singles

Tips for Loving Tough

By Dr. James Dobson

Tough Love For Singles

Let me get very specific with those of you who are single but wish not to be. (No insult is intended to those who are single by design and wish to remain unmarried. That is a legitimate choice which should be respected by friends and family alike.) I have listed 16 suggestions that will help you conform to the principles of loving toughness in matters of the heart.

Don’t let the relationship move too fast in its infancy. The phrase “too hot not to cool down” has validity. Take it one step at a time.
Don’t discuss your personal inadequacies and flaws in great detail when the relationship is new. No matter how warm and accepting your friend may be, any great revelation of low self-esteem or embarrassing weaknesses can be fatal when interpersonal “valleys” occur. And they will occur.
Remember that respect precedes love. Build it stone upon stone.
Don’t call too often on the phone or give the other person an opportunity to get tired of you.
Don’t be too quick to reveal your desire to get married—or that you think you’ve just found Mr. Wonderful or Miss Marvelous. If your partner has not arrived at the same conclusion, you’ll throw him or her into panic.
Most important: Relationships are constantly being “tested” by cautious lovers who like to nibble at the bait before swallowing the hook. This testing procedure takes many forms, but it usually involves pulling backward from the other person to see what will happen. Perhaps a foolish fight is initiated. Maybe two weeks will pass without a phone call. Or sometimes flirtation occurs with a rival. In each instance, the question being asked is, “How important am I to you and what would you do if you lost me?” An even more basic issue lies below that one. It wants to know, “How free am I to leave if I want to?” It is incredibly important in these instances to appear poised, secure and equally independent. Do not grasp the other person and beg for mercy. Some people remain single throughout life because they cannot resist the temptation to grovel when the test occurs.
Extending the same concept, keep in mind that virtually every dating relationship that continues for a year or more and seems to be moving toward marriage will be given the ultimate test. A breakup will occur, motivated by one of the partners. The rejected individual should know that their future together depends on the skill with which he/she handles that crisis. If the hurting individual can remain calm, the next two steps may be reconciliation and marriage. If not, then no amount of pleading will change anything.
Do not expect anyone to meet all your emotional needs. Maintain interest and activities outside the romantic relationship, even after marriage.
Guard against selfishness in the relationship. Neither the man nor the woman should do all the giving. I once broke up with a girl because she let me take her to nice places, bring her flowers, buy her lunch, etc. I wanted to do these things, but expected her to reciprocate in some way. She didn’t.
Beware of blindness to obvious warning signs that tell you that your potential husband or wife is basically disloyal, hateful, spiritually uncommitted, hooked on drugs or alcohol, given to selfishness, etc. Believe me, a bad marriage is far worse than the most lonely instance of singleness.
Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without.
Be careful to defend the “line of respect” even during a dating relationship. A man should open doors for a woman on a formal evening; a woman should speak respectfully of her escort when in public, etc. If you don’t preserve this delicate line when the foundations of marriage are being laid, it will be virtually impossible to construct them later.
Do not equate human worth with flawless beauty or handsomeness! If you require physical perfection in your mate, he or she may make the same demands of you. Don’t let love escape you because of the false values of your culture. In the same vein, be careful not to compare yourself with others—which is the root of all inferiority.
If genuine love has escaped you thus far, don’t begin believing “no one would ever want me.” That is a deadly trap that can destroy you emotionally! Millions of people are looking for someone to love. The problem is finding one another!
Regardless of how brilliant the dating relationship has been, take time to “check your assumptions” with your partner before committing yourself to marriage. It is surprising how often men and women plunge into matrimony without ever becoming aware of major differences in expectation between them.

For example:

Do you want to have children? How soon? How many?
Where will you live?
Will the wife work? How soon? How about after children are born?
Who will lead in the relationship? What does that really mean?
How will you relate to your in-laws?
How will money be spent?
Where will you attend church?

These and dozens of other “assumptions” should be discussed item-by-item, perhaps with the help of a premarital counselor. Many future struggles can be avoided by coming to terms with potential areas of disagreement. If the differences are great enough, it is even possible that the marriage should never occur.

Finally, sexual familiarity can be deadly to a relationship. In addition to the many moral, spiritual and physical reasons for remaining virgins until marriage, there are numerous psychological and interpersonal advantages to the exercise of self-control and discipline. Though it’s an old-fashioned notion, perhaps, it is still true that men do not respect “easy” women and often become bored with those who have held nothing in reserve. Likewise, women often disrespect men who have only one thing on their minds. Both sexes need to remember how to use a very ancient word. It’s pronounced “No!”

Mar 14, 2017

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Holy Spirit Unable To Move Through Congregation As Fog Machine Breaks

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