Related Posts:
This month, July 2016, marks our 25th wedding
anniversary. In many ways this month is
just another “month in the life” so to speak, while in other ways it is definitely
a cause to celebrate our many significant years together sharing so many things. Personally, it’s a time to briefly
reflect on some critical life choices I made years ago, whereby the results of
those decisions are being played out on a daily basis.
Christ has ordained two “institutions” for us. The first is the Church, and Marriage is the
Second. In fact, Marriage is intended to
be an example of “Christ and the Church” (see Eph.
5). Since you will likely spend
significant years of your life “Institutionalized”, I’d like to spend some time
discussing my marriage on this anniversary, if only briefly. I think I can offer at least a measure of
help and insight to those who may have marriage on the horizon or those who
need a tune-up. Not that we are perfect
by any means, but for many reasons Andrea and I do have a great marriage!
Marriage is a
covenant with God, and not to be taken lightly.
It is a holy matter!
I approached marriage with a long list of desirable characteristics and traits of who I would choose for a lifetime partner. I remember my pastor, Allon Hornby suggesting that this was the most successful way to approach a christian marriage. After carefully planning who we would have as a life partner in somewhat broad-descriptive terms, and then spending lots of prayer time over the list, we met at Stone Church in Toronto. The setting was our regular
College and Career group where we met with 80 others for worship and Christian
fellowship. I still recall shaking
Andrea’s hand for the first time as she was the “door-greeter” that
evening. I remember how she looked at me
and what she was wearing. Immediately, I
wanted to know more about her. Somehow I
instantly, I knew I’d be spending more time with her. Hmm… let me state this with more
clarity. I was attracted to this woman;
and I still am!
We soon each stepped out in faith in July 1991, putting God
on notice that we would be asking Him for his help each step of the way. He has not disappointed either of us. Step-by-step, together we began to build a
stable relationship that has withstood some significant storms, brought
adventure, developed friendship, intimacy and commitment in a way that only
“we” could experience. A man and a
woman, separate and distinct individuals fused into a single unit which the
Bible calls “one-flesh”. In our resultant vow to God, we promised to be
faithful to each other and to invite God into our marriage each and every step
of the way.
While the complete story of
our family has not been written, from our perspective thus far, God has been
more than faithful to us as a couple and a family, and has blessed our home
with four beautiful children, each one as individual and unique as you can
imagine.
This is a time for me to realize that just a lifetime with
Andrea will be far too short a period of time.
Getting to know her has been a rich experience. I am thankful for the opportunity Andrea has
had to pursue her career dream of being an awesome language teacher. At the same time I’m glad that she has
wholeheartedly supported the ups and downs of my aviation pursuits. This is not a small thank-you or honorable
mention, because she has literally put aspects of her life on hold and followed
me around the world to Ethiopia, Sudan and Cameroon in Africa as well as our
several moves across Canada including the high-arctic in the Territories, and over four years in the Maritimes. Early on she promised to follow me anywhere,
which made it possible for me to obtain the experience I required for the next
step in my career. As I wind down perhaps the last five years of my flying career on the B767, much of the credit goes to her for making it possible.
While discussing this in glowing terms as I am, I need to be
clear (and honest?) for a number of reasons.
First of all, fusing two separate and distinct people together does not necessarily happen magically all by itself, unless the two people are willing to each consistently work things out. There are steps along the way that need to intentionally happen. We've learned to “forge” our relationship every step of the way while still maintaining trust and respect.
That is to say, we have together “hammered-out” our issues to “build” the framework of our relationship day by day. Frankly, this took (and still takes) communication, being-intentional, commitment and ... hard work! If she thought this and I thought that, it is obvious that we needed to arrive at some middle ground needed to progress to the next step in our life together. I learned that I needed to adjust my thinking on a variety of subjects. There is no shame in doing things Andrea’s way if she has better ideas on the issue at hand.
In fact, learning that “it’s not about me” is one of the best things that I’ve learned.
I feel that one of the primary roles in my marriage is to bring about what is best for Andrea, and enable her to be the woman God meant her to be.
First of all, fusing two separate and distinct people together does not necessarily happen magically all by itself, unless the two people are willing to each consistently work things out. There are steps along the way that need to intentionally happen. We've learned to “forge” our relationship every step of the way while still maintaining trust and respect.
That is to say, we have together “hammered-out” our issues to “build” the framework of our relationship day by day. Frankly, this took (and still takes) communication, being-intentional, commitment and ... hard work! If she thought this and I thought that, it is obvious that we needed to arrive at some middle ground needed to progress to the next step in our life together. I learned that I needed to adjust my thinking on a variety of subjects. There is no shame in doing things Andrea’s way if she has better ideas on the issue at hand.
In fact, learning that “it’s not about me” is one of the best things that I’ve learned.
I feel that one of the primary roles in my marriage is to bring about what is best for Andrea, and enable her to be the woman God meant her to be.
I still vividly remember the “single years” that preceded my
“married years. It seemed that in the
years before meeting Andrea, I met many
possible marriage partners, but each seemed to come with a set of red or
yellow caution lights that kept me from progressing these relationships. When I met Andrea, within weeks I discovered
that there weren’t any caution lights holding me back from deciding on
marriage. May I also add, that while finding the right person to marry is important, being the right person once you're married is even more significant.
We both are glad to have arrived at this significant time in our marriage! God has been faithful to us each step of our journey together.
If you have stories to share of God's faithfulness in your marriage, we'd love to hear about them!
Regards, Mark
No comments:
Post a Comment